HaHa
HaHa
Things that are funny - either intentionally or not.
Monday 15 April 2019
Sunday 31 March 2019
"I guess we should thank God it's only three Mexican countries. And not all of them."
Tuesday 26 March 2019
Friday 22 March 2019
Wednesday 20 March 2019
...we still have to use “allegedly” when referring to the president’s alleged elicit affairs despite how much we know they’re true.
Fifteen people reportedly arrested for robbing concertina wire installed by US authorities and selling it to locals in Tijuana
Tuesday 19 March 2019
His lawsuit named parody accounts called “Devin Nunes’ Mom” and “Devin Nunes’ Cow.” Twitter suspended the Devin Nunes’ Mom account earlier this month because Nunes’ “real mom” complained
Monday 18 March 2019
"he wakes me up every morning miaowing to death because he wants to go out, and then when I open the door he stays in the middle, undecided, and then gives me evil looks when I put him out."
Sunday 17 March 2019
Trump on Sunday knocked "Saturday Night Live" ("SNL") for its repeated jokes at his expense the morning after the sketch comedy show aired a rerun
Friday 15 March 2019
Although some Twitter users went on to compliment Hannity’s professionalismthis link opens in a new tab, many took the opportunity to slam the conservative Fox News host.
Tuesday 26 February 2019
"I'll look like an idiot--but if the fate of humanity is at stake, I have no choice!"
Thursday 7 February 2019
'Many of our greatest strides, from gaining our independence to abolition of civil rights ... have been led by people of faith'
Tuesday 5 February 2019
Pelosi took the dark art of performative piss-take to another level when she literally clapped back at the president’s face by way of rebuttal for Trump’s disingenuous call for comity and unity.
Monday 28 January 2019
Stone, meanwhile, was allowed to go free within hours of his Friday arrest after posting $250,000 bond.
Sunday 27 January 2019
The “Jillian Turner” he tagged was not Gillian Turner, Fox News’ Washington correspondent, however. She appears to be a California high school student
Trump’s tweet has since been corrected.
Friday 25 January 2019
Government Shutdown Day 35
Thursday 24 January 2019
Government Shutdown Day 34
“Nancy Pelosi, or Nancy, as I call her”
Thursday 17 January 2019
Government Shutdown Day 27
The irony is that more Americans than realize it have Mexican blood.
Tuesday 15 January 2019
Government Shutdown Day 25
Monday 14 January 2019
Government Shutdown Day 24
Thursday 10 January 2019
Government Shutdown Day 20
“If there’s a concrete wall in front of you, go through it, go over it, go around it,” Trump told graduates. “But get to the other side of that wall.”
"Meesa propose that the senate give immediately emergency powers to the supreme chancellor"
Tuesday 8 January 2019
Government Shutdown Day 18
The visual of Pelosi and Schumer standing side-by-side as they countered Trump’s push for a border wall prompted comparisons to the famous painting “American Gothic,” and to a couple scolding their children.
"Your father and I aren't angry with you, just ... disappointed."
Sunday 6 January 2019
Government Shutdown Day 16
The president—who was taped saying he wants to grab a woman by her “pussy”—also rebuked Tlaib’s language as “highly disrespectful to the US of A.”
Saturday 5 January 2019
Government Shutdown Day 15
"I know more about drones than anybody. I know about every form of safety that you can have."
Wednesday 2 January 2019
Government Shutdown Day 12
Who's going to tell him about Game of Thrones?
Tuesday 25 December 2018
Government Shutdown Day 4
Sunday 16 December 2018
Logged on to see that everyone’s making fun of Stephen Miller’s spray-on hair? Who cares about that, focus on the awful policies he’s push—oh wait just saw a pic lol what the fuck
Wednesday 12 December 2018
Sanders said earlier this year that it “bothers” her that people think she misleads the media.
Monday 3 December 2018
"Which is the one that matters?" “Each of us gets a copy”
Thursday 29 November 2018
Wednesday 28 November 2018
Conservatives criticized the decision on where the story was housed.
Tuesday 27 November 2018
...lining an entire hallway with blood-red Christmas trees that immediately reminded gawkers on social media of fun holiday movies. Like Stanley Kubrick’s Christmas classic The Shining!
Tuesday 20 November 2018
The bird quickly put the members of the press at ease, though, by treating them as they’d come to expect in that room: eyeing them skeptically, answering no questions and leaving after only a few minutes.
Friday 16 November 2018
Wednesday 17 October 2018
...he has a "natural instinct for science" that informs his understanding of climate change and allows him to see through the political bias that he accused some scientists of holding.
Tuesday 16 October 2018
"She knows nothing about me, a total con!"
Friday 5 October 2018
“Excuse me, Mr. President, I believe you have some toilet paper stuck to your shoe” — said no one.
Tuesday 2 October 2018
Of them all, Judge was like a real brat to me. He taught me to cover the mouths of the pretty bits of sharp so when they creetch in fear, no one can hear them. That way, no one believes them later. It’s a dobby bit of fun.
Monday 1 October 2018
From Boing Boing, the free encyclopedia
Sunday 30 September 2018
After a week of domestic political trauma in the Senate, President Trump got back to being terrible at his job.
Friday 28 September 2018
Wednesday 26 September 2018
“It is not laughing at a good joke, but a nervous laugh, or a bad joke turned laughable precisely because the guy who tells the joke doesn't realize how bad it is.”
"The fake news said people laughed at President Trump. They didn't laugh at me," Trump said during a press conference in New York. "People had a good time with me. We were doing it together. We had a good time, they respect what I have done."
“Whoa, hang on—when I nominated him, I thought it was pretty clear where he stood with the opposite sex, but now he’s on TV going on and on about how all women are entitled to dignity and respect,”
Tuesday 25 September 2018
The president has often warned that the United States has become the butt of global jokes, and with a silly boast on Tuesday, he demonstrated it.
"...with an array of False Acquisitions the likes of which have never been seen before!"
Tuesday 18 September 2018
Friday 7 September 2018
Jared Kushner got stuck behind a locked door for one minute and 47 seconds on Thursday night
The unidentified man made several facial expressions as the president delivered his remarks.
Thursday 6 September 2018
The detail and tension captured in the photo are reminiscent of a canvas by one of the great masters; a Velasquez, or perhaps Hieronimus Bosch. The more you look at the picture, the more you find.
We believe, however, that any issues with the writers’ identities or their motivations for writing this piece are overridden by the necessity of informing the public about what it’s like to work for the president.
Wednesday 5 September 2018
Pence was listed at 2-to-3 odds on the site MyBookie
Hours after MyBookie posted numbers, Canada-based Bovada issued its own Trump-leak odds and listed embatted AG Sessions as its favorite at 5-to-2.
Sunday 2 September 2018
Trump is supporting Cruz in a tighter-than-expected race to keep a Republican majority in the Senate.
Thursday 30 August 2018
Small leak [...] Russian side
Tuesday 28 August 2018
Sunday 26 August 2018
President inexplicably adds a blue stripe to his version of the star spangled banner
Tuesday 21 August 2018
Sunday 19 August 2018
Thursday 16 August 2018
“I want this to stop in my room, Jason,” he shouted. “This is my room.”
The rally comes after the Arkansas legislature approved the placement of a Ten Commandments monument on the Capitol grounds.
It was not the commander in chief, however, but one James Trump (no relation), an assistant U.S. attorney there for a supervised release hearing in an unrelated case.
Tuesday 14 August 2018
Stone [...] posted an image that depicted himself and other Trump allies wearing space suits with swastika patches
The risk of a no-deal Brexit has been increasing and the European Union commission needs to change its attitude if a deal is to be reached, British foreign minister Jeremy Hunt said on Tuesday.
“It is one of the great ironies of all time that the Trump presidency has given us more books than ever before.”
Wednesday 8 August 2018
“It would be an easy choice, wouldn't it?”
Saturday 28 July 2018
“2 guys dressed as russian soldiers in 90F heat to ‘protect’ Trump’s Hollywood Walk Of Fame star from vandalism. That’s next level trollism!”
Friday 27 July 2018
They haven’t yet sat down for an interview. But they almost met at Gate 35X.
Thursday 26 July 2018
Monday 23 July 2018
“Good morning. I’m actually here to speak directly to Donald Trump”
Sunday 22 July 2018
When World War III Starts, It'll Start Here™
Friday 20 July 2018
Tuesday 17 July 2018
Monday 16 July 2018
Saturday 14 July 2018
The scheme includes a fake instructional video featuring children’s songs and “gunimals” — weapons adorned with soft toys — that would purportedly help kids confront the school shootings that have plagued the United States for the past decade.
"We usually sell the MAGA hats for around $9 to $12. But it could go up to $20 if we had to make them in the U.S. and embroider them here"
Friday 13 July 2018
"My car was eaten by animals. And it's just dead," Ryan said.
Thursday 12 July 2018
"They were specifically looking for one in the flight path that Donald Trump will take when he comes to the UK this week”
Thursday 5 July 2018
London Mayor Sadiq Khan gave his approval Thursday for the so-called “Trump baby” blimp to fly over the Houses of Parliament on the morning of July 13, when the president is scheduled to be in the capital.
Tuesday 3 July 2018
Monday 25 June 2018
Thursday 14 June 2018
Tuesday 12 June 2018
In a split-screen shot, Kim Jong Un waved to an adoring crowd while President Trump stood beside him with his thumb in the air. The pair appeared over and over again, like running mates in a campaign video.
Monday 11 June 2018
Inexplicably, these foreigners are not putting America First. That’s why Trump needs to quit the group and make his own G-8
Sunday 10 June 2018
“Regardless of what happens in that meeting between the two dictators, what we are seeing right now ― this is history,” she continued.
Saturday 9 June 2018
Merkel hovers over Trump in the photo as the U.S. president sits defensively with his arms crossed and a look of aversion plastered on his face.
Though President Trump has vehemently denied the property was ever operated as a brothel, history suggests otherwise.
Thursday 7 June 2018
"I don't believe Mrs. Trump has ever discussed her thoughts on anything with Mr. Giuliani"
Wednesday 6 June 2018
The cheese moment was so short, so small, so otherwise insignificant, but also so large and so important, and I can’t stop watching it or wondering what it means.
Tuesday 5 June 2018
Monday 4 June 2018
Even if I was the Queens Strangler (NO DNA EVIDENCE!) I cannot go to jail because the "Constitution" does not apply to Emmy nominees. SOYBEAN PRICES FALLING!
Thursday 31 May 2018
The word “Nazism” was hyperlinked to a secondary page that shows “Nazism” alongside other “ideologies” of California Republicans like “Conservatism,” "Market liberalism,” “Fiscal conservatism,” and “Green conservatism."
Tuesday 22 May 2018
“The White House sits at the intersection of a Quaternary colluvium (base of steep slope) deposit & a Pleistocene fluvial (river) & estuarine deposit. It’s built on poorly consolidated sediments, not bedrock. Sinkholes happen.”
Monday 21 May 2018
An official American coin with a likeness of Kim Jong Un on it that refers to him as “Supreme Leader” feels off, to say the least
Wednesday 9 May 2018
Excuse Me, Mr. Trump, Sir, But, Respectfully, Dr. Trump, Mind You, Captain President, Sir, And There's Nothing You Can Do About It, Good Professor!
Tuesday 8 May 2018
“On the one hand, Mr. Blankenship has said some pretty racist things,” commented one potential voter. “On the other hand, he did go to prison after all those miners died. So it’s a tossup.”
Friday 4 May 2018
What a humiliating time to be a New Yorker.
Sunday 29 April 2018
"I thought giving everyone a gun was to enhance safety. Am I missing something?"
Thursday 26 April 2018
“We’d talk to you all day but it looks like you have a million things to do”
Friday 13 April 2018
...dictionary searches spiking nearly 14,000 percent after Brennan’s tweet.
The second most popular word of the day was “slimeball”
Friday 6 April 2018
"I would never overstay my welcome, and I would at least put beer in the fridge"
Friday 30 March 2018
“And because he’s nice and spends a lot of time with the president, he gets his own Cabinet seat.”
Wednesday 28 March 2018
Seeking a lead attorney to represent client involved in an ongoing Federal investigation. Must be familiar with laws and procedures around discovery, executive privilege, international financing of licensed real estate, election law and the Logan Act. Working knowledge of social media, especially Twitter is a plus, as is a better than average knowledge of the adult film industry... Prior appearances on Fox News a huge plus. No fatties.
Friday 23 March 2018
“Once we had hopped through every part of the garden, we didn’t want to stop hopping. So, we hopped right inside the old, stuffy house. We hopped up and down the creaky stairs and made beautiful, creaky stair-music together.”
Thursday 22 March 2018
So here we are, forced to imagine the dumbest case of political celebrity death match ever between two literal grandpas over the age of 70.
Saturday 17 March 2018
The committee may also consider adding ProtonMail, the encrypted email service, to that list. One White House staffer, Ryan P. McAvoy, jotted his ProtonMail passwords and his address on a piece of White House stationery and left it at a bus stop near the White House.
Wednesday 7 March 2018
“There is the broader ethical issue that he’s been married three times and cheated on all three of his wives And he takes his oath of office to uphold the Constitution about as seriously as he has taken his marriage vows”
Thursday 1 March 2018
“The guy with the bat looked at me, and I said, ‘Look, you’ve gotta stop this. Put down the bat,’” Trump said. “I guess he recognized me because he said, ‘Mr. Trump, I didn’t do anything wrong.’ I said, ‘How could you not do anything wrong when you’re whacking a guy with a bat?’ Then he ran away.”
“You think telling the feds you lie about some stuff, but not other stuff, is going to throw them off the scent?”
Wednesday 28 February 2018
The calligrapher's office plays a key role in White House diplomacy. The East Wing, which oversees the calligrapher's office, declined to comment on the role of the chief calligrapher or why a top secret clearance is necessary.
Monday 26 February 2018
Trump said he believes he would have intervened in the school shooting in Parkland, Florida, almost two weeks ago.
Friday 23 February 2018
@ArmMeWith school supplies. Literally. I should not be single-handedly keeping Target in business.
Thursday 22 February 2018
—Sarah Chadwick, student survivor of the shooting at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School
Monday 19 February 2018
Donald J. Trump makes his ranking debut at the very bottom of the list.
Self-identified conservatives and somewhat conservatives are largely the same population and thus generally consistent with the Republican pattern, .... Both groups are somewhat more favorable, though not overwhelmingly so, to Donald Trump, ranking him 40th in each case, compared to the overall ranking of 44th.
Thursday 8 February 2018
"It’s in their countries right now.”
Monday 5 February 2018
—Adam Schiff, Ranking Member of the House Intelligence Committee.
Friday 2 February 2018
“I required the journalists who broke the 2013 domestic spying stories (as a condition of access) to talk with gov in advance of publication as an extraordinary precaution to prevent any risk of harm. Turns out our standard of care was higher than the actual Intel committee.”
Wednesday 31 January 2018
Yikes: @AlexNBCNews reports the train carrying Congressional Republicans to their WV retreat has hit a trash truck, per once source. Says train is stopped near Charlottesville.
Monday 29 January 2018
“Address to Congress on the State of the Uniom”
Thursday 25 January 2018
The emailed response from the Guggenheim’s chief curator to the White House was polite but firm: The museum could not accommodate a request to borrow a painting by Vincent van Gogh for President and Melania Trump’s private living quarters.
Wednesday 24 January 2018
Shark-related nonprofits say they have received a stream of donations mentioning President Trump since an adult film star who allegedly had an affair with Trump said he told her he hoped sharks die.
Thursday 18 January 2018
In the past week, hundreds of one-star reviews have flooded the Yelp page for the Trump International Hotel in Washington, describing the establishment as a “shithole.”
Wednesday 17 January 2018
Doctor: No heart, cognitive issues
Tuesday 16 January 2018
Adding to some online observers’ skepticism that Trump’s measurements were accurate was the fact that 239 pounds, at 6-3, conveniently put his body mass index at 29.9 — just below the 30.0 threshold for him to be officially described as obese, rather than merely overweight.
Saturday 13 January 2018
—Patrick Granfield, former director of strategic communications at the Pentagon
Friday 12 January 2018
“Just Say It: Trump Is a Racist” — New York Times’ op-ed headline, 1/12/18
Thursday 11 January 2018
The President claimed Norway had started receiving the first American-made “F-52s” . “In November, we started delivering the first F-52s and F-35 fighter jets,” he said.
The F-52 is a fictional aircraft that features prominently in the successful Call of Duty video game series.
Monday 8 January 2018
Trump seemed to mouth some of the words to the song, but kept his mouth shut during other parts.
The tweet stood out in part because multiple women have accused the president of harassment or abuse.
Sunday 7 January 2018
Trump mounted an extraordinary counterattack Saturday ..., declaring himself "very smart" and a "stable genius" and complaining that America's libel laws are "very weak."
Saturday 6 January 2018
"God Bless You Donald Trump for making this possible! The oil we drill just off your beach will pay 4 our entire show!"
Thursday 28 December 2017
“Delete irrelevant and superfluous ethnic joke”
var errorMessage = 'Oops! Something went wrong. Unlike Obama, we are working to fix the problem... and not on the golf course.'
Sunday 24 December 2017
"What I did, I would like to compare to what Jesus did when he went into the temple and overturned the tables of the moneychangers, who were exploiting the people financially in the name of religion. I feel like that's what the GOP has done to the American people,"
A Christmas card that referred to Mr. Mnuchin and President Trump was inside the package, which was labeled as coming from “the American people”
Wednesday 20 December 2017
“We won this battle, but the war is still to come. However, if we carry on with the same vigor demonstrated today in our widely opposed tax overhaul, I know that we will prevail over Americans time and time again.”
Thursday 14 December 2017
Wednesday 13 December 2017
Thursday 7 December 2017
Tuesday 5 December 2017
While most Americans are openly disgusted by pedophiles, the bighearted people over at the GOP seek to help them find decent, well-paying jobs where they can shape national policy.
Sunday 3 December 2017
—Sarah Sanders, current White House Press Secretary, back on 3 Nov 2016
Saturday 2 December 2017
This is the largest crowd that has ever attended a National Tree Lighting in history. Period!
Friday 1 December 2017
"But when you commit a sin at our church, at our church we’re encouraged to confess and ask for forgiveness for the sin. Not to call the women you allegedly victimized liars and damage them even more."
Thursday 30 November 2017
“He needs to think before he tweets. We - Theresa May and I - are so different. Our profiles are completely different. She runs the country, I’m a mum from Bognor.”
Monday 27 November 2017
Wednesday 22 November 2017
After days of remaining relatively silent on the matter, Trump defended Moore on Tuesday, emphasizing the candidate's denial of the allegations and saying that "we don't need a liberal person" in the Senate
Monday 20 November 2017
Now to the very right of Karen Fonseca's "F--- Trump and f--k you for voting for him" sticker on the back window of her husband's white truck is the slightly smaller message, "F--- Troy Nehls and f--k you for voting for him”
The top national security official dismissed the president variously as an “idiot” and a “dope” with the intelligence of a “kindergartner,” the sources said. ... Both Oracle and the Trump administration heatedly denied the comments
Wednesday 15 November 2017
Monday 13 November 2017
Sunday 5 November 2017
Saturday 4 November 2017
"Hawaii is the most diverse state in the nation, and just a few days ago Trump literally said, ‘Diversity sounds like a good thing, but it is not a good thing.’ That statement alone undermines the values that make Hawaii, Hawaii."
Thursday 2 November 2017
Wednesday 1 November 2017
Saturday 28 October 2017
"A female bicyclist along the motorcade route, just outside the golf course, traveling in the right lane repeatedly extended her middle left finger towards POTUS"
Friday 27 October 2017
“On this spot in September 2005 Donald J. Trump bragged about committing sexual assault. In November 2016, he was elected President of the United States”
Monday 23 October 2017
Bartiromo is an extraordinarily soft interviewer who doesn’t ask Trump any difficult questions or press him on any subject. That makes the extent to which he manages to flub the interview all the more striking.
He says the Federal Reserve is “important psychotically” and it’s part of one of his better answers, since one can at least tell that he meant to say “psychologically.”
Asked whether he plans to tie an infrastructure plan to his tax plan, Trump says, “I was thinking about tying it, but there’s too many honestly.” Too many what?
Friday 20 October 2017
Clarke may think Wilson is "a buffoon," but he's the one who wears a bunch of shall-we-say unofficial medals on his uniform to make himself look like a four-star general.
Monday 16 October 2017
“It didn’t enter my mind that he was being serious,” Boyle said.
Friday 13 October 2017
"In the last 10 months we have followed through on one promise after another," Trump said. "I didn't have a schedule, [but] if I did have a schedule, I would say we are substantially ahead of schedule."
The group ... says it is trying to “determine whether Cabinet members are attempting to cover up the diminished mental capacity of a President who is unfit to serve.”
Trump has talked about another U.S. territory struck by hurricanes as if it's a foreign country. He said in a speech at the Values Voters Summit on Friday morning that he met with the "president" of the U.S. Virgin Islands.
Tuesday 10 October 2017
Responding to reports that Mr Tillerson had called him a “moron” — which Mr Tillerson denies — Mr Trump suggested that he has a higher IQ than his top cabinet member.
Saturday 7 October 2017
"The Travels and Adventures of Little Baron Trump and His Wonderful Dog Bulger" was published in 1889, and quickly forgotten thereafter, as was its sequel
Friday 6 October 2017
The demonstration comes the day before the first anniversary of when The Washington Post released the explosive footage, which showed Trump in 2005 bragging in vulgar terms about kissing, groping and trying to have sex with women.
Friday 29 September 2017
“This is an island surrounded by water, big water, ocean water”
"This is an island sitting in the middle of an ocean – and it's a big ocean, a really, really big ocean"
Wednesday 27 September 2017
Because in addition to not having any previous government experience, the former real estate exec has demonstrated repeated difficulty filling out simple, routine forms correctly. This includes his own voter registration form.
Monday 25 September 2017
But it is not illegal for White House officials to use private email accounts as long as they forward work-related messages to their work accounts so they can be preserved.
Friday 22 September 2017
—Former foreign policy advisor for President Obama
Thursday 21 September 2017
And so the U.S. president's laudatory comments about a nonexistent country swiftly invited ridicule online, with many suggesting that Trump had created an entirely new nation by combining two existing ones — Zambia and Namibia.
Monday 18 September 2017
But who needs leaks when lunch reservations will suffice?
Friday 15 September 2017
One Twitter user ... said he was left with "no choice" to burn his hat, saying the president had "violated several campaign promises".
Tuesday 12 September 2017
Although the “like” has since been undone, screen shots of the post have circulated widely online and @SexuallPosts updated its bio to urge users to “follow the same porn @TedCruz watches.”
Monday 11 September 2017
“OK listen, because this is important: Any time Trump says he’s going to make people happy, or that you’re going to be happy in the future, that means he has got nothing and he’s trying to end the conversation.”
Saturday 9 September 2017
Friday 8 September 2017
“May as well go ahead and announce this,” he said. “I'm not going to get into details because of the security nature of things, but it turns out that we will not be able to do the program here tomorrow. ... We'll be on the air next week, folks, from parts unknown.”
Saturday 2 September 2017
Trump does not have a web browser on his phone, and does not use a laptop, so he was dependent on aides like Stephen K. Bannon, his former chief strategist, to hand-deliver printouts of articles from conservative media outlets.
Friday 1 September 2017
Thursday 31 August 2017
This is the best photo they could find for "witnessing first hand"
Tuesday 29 August 2017
Hello darkness my old friend. / It’s time for him to tweet again,
Thursday 24 August 2017
Many have declared their intention to stockpile their shitpiles for days in advance, then deliver them in bags for the site.
Wednesday 23 August 2017
Perhaps the most interesting part of the letter, however, is the way the first letter of each paragraph forms an acrostic that spells out "impeach."
Tuesday 22 August 2017
...the Trump ecstasy tablets, known to have high levels of MDMA, have been spreading around Europe, selling for more than $10 a pill.
Saturday 19 August 2017
Friday 18 August 2017
Alex Jones—the infamous conspiracy theorist/snake-oil peddler who runs Infowars—visited the largely liberal city of Seattle Friday.
The members of Trump’s Arts Council left an intentional hidden message in their resignation letter: the first letter of each paragraph spells out R-E-S-I-S-T, a reference to a popular anti-Trump rallying cry.
Thursday 17 August 2017
For every meter the neo-Nazis marched, local residents and businesses pledged to donate 10 euros (then equivalent to about $12.50) to a program that helps people leave right-wing extremist groups
The gesture remained symbolic when law enforcement officials declined to take anyone who hadn't had a warrant issued for their arrest into custody
Tuesday 15 August 2017
Thursday 10 August 2017
"I want to thank him because we're trying to cut down our payroll and as far as I'm concerned I'm very thankful that he let go of a large number of people because now we have a smaller payroll."
In a press conference later in the day, a reporter asked Trump whether McConnell should step aside as majority leader. "Well, I'll tell you what, if he doesn't get repeal and replace done and if he doesn't get taxes done, meaning cuts and reform, and if he doesn't get a very easy one to get done, infrastructure, if he doesn't get them done, then you can ask me that question"
Wednesday 9 August 2017
People started freaking out on Wednesday afternoon when a giant inflatable chicken resembling Donald Trump appeared outside the White House.
Saturday 5 August 2017
Conway said Friday the Justice Department might consider using lie detector tests to find out who has been leaking information to media
Thursday 3 August 2017
Tuesday 1 August 2017
..as Trump put it in a tweet in 2011, “plays golf to escape work while America goes down the drain.”
Monday 31 July 2017
“Jesus, we can’t just take back these assholes all at once—we need time to process one before we get the next”
"He deleted all those tweets for nothing."
Saturday 29 July 2017
He was born during a lunar eclipse, they point out, which makes him more susceptible to the power of eclipses.
...He was born during a lunar eclipse, they point out, which makes him more susceptible to the power of eclipses.
Friday 28 July 2017
As a senior White House staffer, the chief of staff would not ordinarily be tasked with such matters.
Sunday 23 July 2017
“His rejection of Paris was a bell in the night; it has inspired so many people to come out and stand up.”
Friday 21 July 2017
That's why it's useful to look at Alexander Hamilton's defense of the pardon power, which he lays out in Federalist No. 74. Hamilton notes that "humanity and good policy" require that such a power ought to remain in the hands of the president — rather than dispersed among the many members of Congress — because "the sense of responsibility" he would feel in having such enormous power over another person's fate would ensure that he exercised it with "scrupulousness and caution."
Thursday 20 July 2017
It’s Made in America Week at the White House...
Mar-A-Lago ... is asking the government for permission to hire 70 temporary foreign workers as cooks, servers, and housekeepers
Wednesday 12 July 2017
Independent analysts say that while the CBO is sometimes mistaken, the agency's analyses do not betray any partisan bias
Monday 10 July 2017
Xi is referred to as "President Xi of the Republic of China" by the Office of Press Secretary Sean Spicer. Of course, Xi is, in fact, the President of the People's Republic of China, while the Republic of China is what the government of Taiwan calls itself -- a rather important distinction
Friday 7 July 2017
Friday 30 June 2017
Kobach told the Kansas City Star on Friday that he would not be providing any parts of Kansas voters' Social Security numbers because that data is not publicly available under state law.
Tuesday 27 June 2017
There was no March 1, 2009, issue of Time, and Trump did not grace the cover of the magazine at all that year.
Thursday 15 June 2017
“If Comey will be under the threat of political persecution, we are ready to accept him here,” Putin said
“We’re winning in the real polls,” he continued, to gales of laughter from the audience. “You know, the online polls.” He added, “They are so easy to win. I have this Russian guy.”
“I have family ancestors from the Boston area and I think the Salem witch hunt has to be the greatest witch hunt in American history”
Monday 12 June 2017
Quigley's bill would add an explicit mention of “social media” to the Presidential Records Act, a law mandating the preservation of presidential communications.
Saturday 10 June 2017
⚓️🚥🚥🚥🚥⚓️🚥🚥🚥🚥🚥🚥🚥🗺🗺🗺🗺🗺🗺🏰🗺🗺🏰🏰🏰🚦 :/9//&🗿🛩⛩🏚 #🚦lolaklkk🚥🚦⛲️🚝🚦🚞🚢🚂
Thursday 8 June 2017
In the letter, Kasowitz attempts to frame former FBI director James Comey’s testimony before the Senate Intelligence Committee this morning as a win for his client, and it’s such an amusingly desperate fumble that we couldn’t help taking him down a peg.
I am Marc Kasowitz, Predisent Trump's personal lawyer.
“This should only take a minute. Thanks.”
Wednesday 7 June 2017
White House aides are trying to keep Trump busy Thursday morning with meetings so he won't watch TV and tweet during the hearing. "But if he wants to watch it, it's not like we can say, ‘oh, the TV doesn't work,’" one official said.
A few moments later, the President said, "I need loyalty, I expect loyalty." I didn't move, speak, or change my facial expression in any way during the awkward silence that followed. We simply looked at each other in silence. I do not know how many hours passed as we sat there, staring and unmoving. Though it was night, the shadows seemed to lengthen and the candlelight flickered 'gainst the wall. When had the stewards lit the candles? I sat, paralyzed by my own horror or some eldritch secret I cannot fathom. At times the face of my puissant companion seemed nothing more than a mask from out of something older, more alien, peered ever into my own transfixed gaze. And then, with a start, I saw something move! Atop his head—it was—but no, my thoughts recoil, my memos fail, a horror too great to utter.
Tuesday 6 June 2017
“The concerns were, ‘The guy won’t pay and he won’t listen’”
Monday 5 June 2017
Friday 2 June 2017
Macron's eloquent speech prompted people to take to Twitter in droves to hail his proficiency in the English language as superior to that of Donald Trump.
Sunday 28 May 2017
...the Trump Organization took Mr. Davies’s coat of arms for its own, making one small adjustment — replacing the word “Integritas,” Latin for integrity, with “Trump.”
—Steven Rich, Washington Post
Saturday 27 May 2017
They walked the 700 yards from the traditional G7 group photo, taken at a Greek amphitheatre, to a piazza in the hilltop town, but Mr Trump stayed behind until he could take a seat in the electric vehicle.
Thursday 25 May 2017
Yesterday, Pope Francis met with President Trump.
Monday 22 May 2017
"Promote the possibility of lasting peach"
The Onion has obtained hundreds of documents from an anonymous source within the White House.
Thursday 18 May 2017
Mr. Comey — who is 6 feet 8 inches tall and was wearing a dark blue suit that day – told Mr. Wittes that he tried to blend in with the blue curtains in the back of the room, in the hopes that Mr. Trump would not spot him and call him out.
Wednesday 17 May 2017
But the tactic may have more to about attempts to sow further chaos in Washington than assuage suspicions about the talks.
Tuesday 16 May 2017
“It’s probably just a coincidence”
Monday 15 May 2017
“Individuals who are 'extremely careless,' close quote,” Ryan said, using the term then-FBI director James B. Comey used to describe Clinton's email practices, “should be denied further access to information.”
Friday 12 May 2017
Thursday 11 May 2017
To be clear, Spicer was merely among the bushes. Not in. Among.
Wednesday 10 May 2017
So he did the reasonable thing and shouted the news to reporters who happened to be hanging out outside his office at the time, then immediately retreated to his office and locked the door.
Sunday 7 May 2017
Friday 5 May 2017
Read the thing you’re voting on, particularly if you’ve heard someone mention that it might end up killing millions of people.
If respect for human life doesn’t interest you, try to remember that sick and indigent people are, at this point, still legally allowed to vote.
Tuesday 2 May 2017
As Mulvaney attempted to answer questions, open phone lines featuring a crying baby, an intermittent hacking cough, and patriotic hold-music quickly drowned him out.
Sunday 30 April 2017
Is Steve Bannon here? I do not see Steve Bannon. I do not see Steve Bannon. Not see Steve Bannon. Nazi Steve Bannon. Nazi Steve Bannon.
Friday 28 April 2017
Mark— You are a total loser—and your book (and writings) sucks! Best Wishes Donald P.S. And I hear it is selling badly D
Thursday 27 April 2017
The Trump administration argued ... that any inaccuracy on official paperwork, even regarding the most trivial and "immaterial" issues, can justify deportation and the revocation of citizenship.
Monday 24 April 2017
Obama fired off a punishing fusillade of grammatically correct sentences, the likes of which the American people have not heard from the White House since he departed.
Tuesday 18 April 2017
“Well, would it surprise you to learn that the dishes you’ve all just partaken of contain morsels of my 1099-Bs from 1995 to 2015?”
Monday 17 April 2017
“Secretary of Educatuon Betsy DeVos”
Friday 14 April 2017
Tuesday 11 April 2017
Donald Trump once said climate change was a “hoax” invented by the Chinese but the phenomenon could be responsible for flooding his own Florida properties.
Friday 7 April 2017
“This act of war on the part of the United States leaves us no choice but to strike Syrian hospitals, schools, and places of worship with even more force and resolve.”
Thursday 6 April 2017
Jared’s never been to war before. But his father-in-law, a very busy man, sent Jared to the war to see how it’s going!
Wednesday 5 April 2017
The terror inspired by the thought of a Bannon-based sex tape cut across party lines, with Democrats calling the idea slightly more traumatizing than Republicans did.
Trump repeatedly urged Obama not to intervene in the Syrian civil war in 2013 on Twitter.
Sunday 2 April 2017
President Donald Trump said on Sunday he does not regret any of his tweets, even the occasional bad post.
Saturday 1 April 2017
“To arrange a call from a Russian diplomat to your political opponent, press 1,” the video says, first in Russian, and then in English. Press 2 “to use the services of Russian hackers,” and 3 “to request election interference.”
Thursday 30 March 2017
Then there’s the question of how those who donated to these crowdfunding campaigns plan to buy the Web browsing histories of members of Congress. It would be extremely difficult, if not impossible.
“It just would not be right for me to sit here alone with a woman-shaped container, particularly one as shapely as this.”
Wednesday 29 March 2017
Trump asked if anyone knew Abraham Lincoln was a Republican. “Great president. Most people don't even know he was a Republican," Trump said earlier this month. "Does anyone know? Lot of people don't know that.”
Monday 27 March 2017
“Eight years ago, our party made a solemn pledge to do everything in our power to ensure that a healthcare bill put forth by the president of the United States did not become law, and through our actions last week, that is exactly what we have done”
Sunday 26 March 2017
Many pointed out that Trump had traveled twice to the Trump National Golf Club in Virginia over the weekend.
Friday 24 March 2017
“There’s a huge appetite for tax returns,” Spicer said
Here is a small sampling of all the times Donald Trump promised that repealing and replacing Obamacare would be a quick and relatively painless lift, one that he would get to right away.
Thursday 23 March 2017
“This is like every embarrassing photo of George W. Bush ever taken, including the fake upside-down book picture, rolled into one and doubled.”
“Under the proposed American Health Care Act, those experiencing anxiety over the impact of the Trump administration on the economy, civil rights, or the environment, or just suffering from generalized distress over the future of the nation, will have to pay exorbitant out-of-pocket expenses for any therapies required to cope”
“I tend to be right. I’m an instinctual person, I happen to be a person that knows how life works.”
Friday 17 March 2017
...the White House is not full of careless people who skim headlines looking for the ones that sound sort of positive and then send them out in their daily briefing newsletter hoping for the best
Thursday 16 March 2017
...his own newsletter is completely incapable of discerning real reportage from an obvious joke.
BUT HOW WILL I SURVIVE ON THIS BUDGET? you may be wondering. I AM A HUMAN CHILD, NOT A COSTLY FIGHTER JET. You may not survive, but that is because you are SOFT and WEAK, something this budget is designed to eliminate.
...the deeply unsettling comment, which inspired more horror than any remarks she has made sugarcoating the grave impact the president’s policies will have on millions of Americans, delegitimizing the press, or fabricating entire terrorist attacks in order to vilify immigrant populations
The German chancellor is the only leader in Europe who even has a plausible claim to moral leadership.
Wednesday 15 March 2017
“I honestly don’t have a choice but to set aside a few days every month for reviewing and striking down whatever unconstitutional executive order President Trump has most recently issued”
Tuesday 14 March 2017
Under the Republican's new plan, introduced last week, it's possible that Congress will go back to pre-ACA days when they had "the Federal Employees Health Benefits Program"
Monday 13 March 2017
"If there's a fake radio station about resisting Nazis and you take it personally, what does it say about you?"
Friday 10 March 2017
“[He] now does an impression where whenever I’m bothering him he says, ‘fake news,’”
Indeed, according to the U.S. Code, “the flag should never be displayed with the union down, except as a signal of dire distress in instances of extreme danger to life or property.”
Wednesday 8 March 2017
“an ominous sign of the times”
Thursday 2 March 2017
"My husband and I have decided the local parks just aren't good enough for our kids. We'd rather use the country club, and we're hoping state tax dollars will pay for it."
Lavrov went on to say he was deeply concerned that Trump’s impeachment would occur well before the president could cause the amount of damage to America that the Kremlin had originally intended.
“If you goddamn Feds want to know whether I’ll turn rat: Here’s my answer”
Monday 27 February 2017
"People hate it but now they see that the end is coming and they say, 'Oh ,maybe we love it.' There's nothing to love. It's a disaster, folks."
Sunday 26 February 2017
...staffers were told to dump their phones on a table for a “phone check," to prove they had nothing to hide.
Spicer also warned the group of more problems if news of the phone checks and the meeting about leaks was leaked to the media.
Saturday 25 February 2017
...there's one problem: that's not Israel's flag. The person tweeting used the Nicaraguan flag in both tweets, which vaguely resembles the Israeli flag
I imagine it must be really annoying when someone puts out false info about where you were born. Must really bother you!!
Friday 24 February 2017
Reporters "shouldn't be allowed to use sources unless they use somebody's name," he declared, just hours after members of his own staff held a press briefing and refused to allow their names to be used.
...the bulk of the memo is devoted to arguments for clamping down on unauthorized disclosures of sensitive information, also known as leaking.
Thursday 23 February 2017
An exasperated Shoigu went on to say that the administration was in such disarray, rolling back sanctions might take a year longer than planned, and abandoning NATO might actually be out of the question.
There are three places in the United States called Snowflake... And in each case, the counties where those towns are located voted for Trump.
Wednesday 22 February 2017
One of the legitimate marvels of the American political system is that regular old Americans can yell at our elected officials.
Tuesday 21 February 2017
The US Vice President did not seem to notice the gaffe
At press time, the FBI’s worst fears had not yet been realized, as the Trump administration did not appear to be acting on any information from national security agencies whatsoever.
Monday 20 February 2017
Je suis Whatever Happened in Sweden
Sunday 19 February 2017
Saturday 18 February 2017
Mr Trump has not yet responded to the taunts.
Friday 17 February 2017
White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer can't seem to get anyone's name right. Enter your name below to see what he would call you.
...he never imagined he’d find himself in a workplace that was staffed wall-to-wall with professionals whose comparatively more serious crimes he could expose to save himself.
Thursday 16 February 2017
“Don't worry, Ivanka. Nobody buys my shit anymore either.”
Trump has released a version of his Media Accountability survey before [...]. This new version has been updated to reflect Trump’s contemporary, more presidential tantrums, though the overall thrust remains the same.
Wednesday 15 February 2017
They’re not. He’s a fucking sociopath. And here’s a recipe for raspberry scones...
Tuesday 14 February 2017
Canadian officials are unlikely to be upset about the “Joe” gaffe. Joe from Canada is featured in Molson advertisements after all.
OkCupid [...] refreshed its mobile app to include 50 new questions for singles to answer, including: "Trump?" (the response options "Hell no," "No," "Yes," and "Hell yes")
Both the New York Times and Newsmax reported on the fake account, erroneously quoting the account's claim that Flynn viewed himself as the "sole scapegoat."
TRUMP NARCISSISM SPECIALS
Monday 13 February 2017
A mock invoice addressed to Rep. Jason Chaffetz (R-Utah) is circulating online after he accused a large crowd of protesters that gathered at his town hall last week of being "paid."
As Justin Trudeau showed us today, the President's handshake game is notoriously unpredictable, so make sure you're prepared for anything.
“The president prefers his briefs to be concise and straightforward, preferably no longer than two or three syllables”
Sunday 12 February 2017
...no challenge is to great.
Post updated – our deepest apologizes for the earlier typo. — US Dept of Education
Saturday 11 February 2017
El Nacional published an apology on Saturday after mistakenly running a photo of the actor doing his impression of the U.S. president on "Saturday Night Live" instead of Trump himself.
Friday 10 February 2017
The crucial first interview after this ruling with White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer was given to the glorious official news outlet of the Trump administration, Breitbart News.
Thursday 9 February 2017
Wednesday 8 February 2017
The Warriors star responded to Under Armour CEO Kevin Plank's statement that Trump is an "asset" to the country. “I agree with that description,” Curry told The Mercury News, “if you remove the ‘et'."
Urban Dictionary has your NSFW definition of "Easy D," though Trump may have meant "easy decision."
Tuesday 7 February 2017
Twenty-seven times, the White House memo misspelled “attacker” or “attackers” as “attaker” or “attakers.” San Bernardino lost its second “r.” “Denmark” became “Denmakr.”
I don't understand evolution, and I have to protect my kids from understanding it. We will not give in to the thinkers!
Using the #PostcardstoBannon and #PresidentBannon hashtags, people took to Twitter to show off postcards they plan to send to the White House.
Sunday 5 February 2017
In a surprise cameo, McCarthy mimicked Spicer's famously combative first appearance with the White House press corps, where he angrily took issue with reports about the size of the crowd at Trump's inauguration.
Saturday 4 February 2017
Citizens of every nationality wept as the truth died that day.
Friday 3 February 2017
...worried that President Trump planned to not only suspend production of facts, but also seize existing ones, leaving Americans and their families completely defenseless.
"That's it, who's a big boy now?" "I'm a big boy!"
Thursday 2 February 2017
Click me. Edit me. Make me horrifying.
Wednesday 1 February 2017
"I have gotten a call about a suspicious pizza."
Tuesday 31 January 2017
Monday 30 January 2017
He has plans to commit awful acts of sabotage like flushing strange things down the toilet, because here there is a toilet to flush. He has plans to grow up to become the most terrifying thing in the world: an American.
“Now, more than ever, we as a nation must remain steadfast in resisting the urge to understand the feelings and perspectives of others,” said Trump, adding that a rising tide of dangerous empathy could, if unchecked, quickly engulf the country in compassion.
Trump has made an issue of people who are registered to vote in more than one state, using it as one of the bedrocks of his overall contention that voter fraud is rampant in the U.S.
Bannon apparently hunting for heretics. Confirmed, is aware of this acct. Actively trying to identify us. #UnholyTrinity may be losing grip.
Sunday 29 January 2017
Saturday 28 January 2017
@SeanSpicer's role in the Trump administration will be to provide the American public with robust and clearly articulated misinformation.
“And unfortunately, based on information we have from intelligence assets on the ground, this plot is already well under way”
Friday 27 January 2017
There are 38 dead presidents. Let’s model dead presidents as a cylinder that rotates along its long axis (as a body might in a coffin).
Since entering office, Donald Trump has yet to re-open the comments line, which was shut down during the transition process
We totally understand it's going to be America first, but can we just say: The Netherlands second?
The wrong Teresa: Teresa May is a soft porn actress
Thursday 26 January 2017
Don't blame Trump - He did everything he could to prove he was unfit to be President
“With everything that’s been happening in the world, I just can’t help but be encouraged,” said a 6-month-old brown-banded cockroach from a Queens, NY, bathtub drain
Wednesday 25 January 2017
It is not in itself illegal to be registered to vote in two states.
Seriously, it was just a few fields and a warehouse, and you idiots still appointed a special prosecutor and spent six months investigating it.
Tuesday 24 January 2017
...a zero-calorie 6-slice pizza loaded with all your favorites: bacon, pepperoni, ham, sausage, house made sauce and 100% whole-milk mozzarella.
In the book Orwell writes that it “means the power of holding two contradictory beliefs in one’s mind simultaneously, and accepting both of them”.
Monday 23 January 2017
I don't know any Donald Trump jokes. But you can ask me for a political joke instead.
Social media postings sometimes provide an important window into a person’s #mentalhealth. Know what to look for.
Sunday 22 January 2017
Do you actually think I enjoy appearing on television on behalf of a petty and profoundly unstable narcissist to defend his taped admissions of sexual assault?
Choose Your Alternative Facts
Ah, Betsy. Education. Right?
Saturday 21 January 2017
I know signs. I make the best signs. They’re great. Everyone agrees.
We already have an orange chicken we like
Friday 20 January 2017
Ejecting black people from their residences has been a lifelong passion for Donald.
An episode of the 1950s western TV series 'Trackdown' featured a snake oil salesman named 'Trump' who promised to build a wall in order to prevent the end of the world.
True
We take Gotham from the corrupt! The rich! The oppressors of generations who have kept you down with myths of opportunity, and we give it back to you... the people.
First of all, congratulations! Expecting a demagogue is truly a life-changing experience.
It occurs to me that this inauguration is exactly the sort of historical event that attracts time travelers eager to change the course of the future.
